Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies."

This is a rhetorical question implying the difficulty and rarity of finding a good woman.  She is a rare and precious find, far above all other riches.  So to have a Godly wife is to have a treasure of inconceivable value!  What I take from this is how we ought to treat our wives.  As precious and valuable goods.  Treated with care and delicacy, as if handling a priceless artifact or jewel.  Treasured like artwork, or antiques of great value, or jewels, or gold!  A man who finds a Godly wife should be continually filled with thankfulness and awe that they have such a treasure!

Proverbs 21:19 "[It is] better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."

Opposite of the virtuous wife, an angry and brawling women is a dreadful thing.  It is better to be out in the wilderness, sleeping in the woods, cold and wet and hungry and scared, than to be with a woman like this!  A man must take great examining caution before entering into marriage with a woman.  He must see what her character is.  He must find out her temperance and attitude and behavior.  To end up with a wife like this would be horrible!

Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them."

I feel like this is where great self-sacrifice is needed.  As a husband, loving a weaker vessel (more precious and delicate), you MUST NOT get angry or offended at her when she backbites or injures you.  You must absorb it, view her as that delicate and precious jewel and NOT respond in revenge.  Like when handling a precious and delicate valuable, and it pokes or sticks you causing pain.  If you react, you could damage it or break it.  You MUST absorb the hurt and not respond, but instead act in love and delicacy.

Proverbs 14:1 "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."

I take this to show that a wise wife is one who is set about to build up her family.  She tries to encourage and edify, not criticize and tear down.  She’s a woman who strives to support her husband and children and to spur them on to holiness and righteousness.  A man MUST seek a woman like this, not the other.

1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

The main thing that sticks out to me here, is the honor given to the weaker vessel.  It again reminds me of handling a precious and fragile artifact of incredible value.  Having that knowledge, the husband should treat his wife with delicate and tender care, the same as handling that fragile artifact.  Then the verse adds to that tender care, bringing to memory that she is a joint heir!  She is the daughter of the King and is set to inherit all that is His!  How much MORE tenderly and lovingly should she be cared for?  And then at the end of the verse, there is a caution, that not doing these things (not caring for your wife as a gentle and fragile and incredibly valuable heir of the King!) will hinder your prayer life.  Why would God listen to you while there is unresolved issues with His daughter?  Fix those first!

Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."

There are differing opinions on what is meant here, but I take this in a straightforward and plain meaning.  The sexual life between a man and his wife is not sinful.  Whatever they do with each other is permissible. 

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself……33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband."

I’m looking at this from a husbands perspective, so I’ve left out the verses showing the duties of a wife towards her husband (namely respect and reverence), and am looking at the husbands responsibility towards his wife.  I see three things here.  One, a man should love his wife like Christ loved the church.  Two, the husband should seek the holiness and righteousness of his wife.  And three, he ought to love her like he loves his own body.  So how did Christ love the church?  He gave Himself for it.  And so a man ought to give his life to his wife.  He should seek her needs, her desires, her concerns….But in the same way that Christ does for us.  He doesn’t just give us everything our flesh craves, He provides according to holiness.  He seeks our betterment and our good and Gods glory.  And so we ought to do with our wives.  Two (and tying into the first), a man should pursue his wife's holiness.  He should be leading and guiding and directing in that fashion.  His goal should be to see her pure and spotless!  And three, a man is to love his wife like his own body.  Providing for it, satisfying its needs, seeking its comfort, peace of mind, and joy.  And so a man ought to do for his wife.

1st Peter 3:1 "Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;2 While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear.3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward [adorning] of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;4 But [let it be] the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, [even the ornament] of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:"

This ties in with the previous verses (especially the parts left out regarding a womans duty towards her husband).  A man is to seek a woman like this.  One who is quiet and meek.  A humble and God-fearing woman, not concerned with outer beauty and trying to draw attention to her flesh.  One who is prudent and chaste.  They are to imitate the holy woman of Scripture!  And God sees this as incredibly valuable!  For it says in His sight it is of “great price.”

Proverbs 19: 13 "A foolish son [is] the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife [are] a continual dropping.14 House and riches [are] the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife [is] from the LORD."

The first verse here is similar to the one discussed in Proverbs 21 regarding a contentious woman.  She is to be avoided!  The next thing I see here is that a prudent wife (the opposite of the contentious one) is a gift from God!  It is not something a man can seek and find on his own.  She is a precious jewel and gift, given by the Father to His sons!  Oh how much MORE is she to be treasured knowing this!  Not only is she a beautiful and precious and incredibly valuable and delicate gift, but she comes from God!  A gift hand delivered by Him!  Oh how she should be treasured!!

Proverbs 18:22 "[Whoso] findeth a wife findeth a good [thing], and obtaineth favour of the LORD."

I take this to mean that a good wife is a gift from God.  In order to ‘obtain’ favor, favor must first be offered or given.  And so to gain it is to receive it.  Therefore, marriage and a Godly wife is a precious gift from God.

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

I believe that a true spiritual bonding happens during sex.  Two in actuality become one.  When a man cleaves to his wife, they are connected permanently.  That is why this is only to be done with ONE person for your whole life (unless death parts you).  Anytime you have sex with someone and then leave them, that spiritual bond remains intact.  And you bring that bond into all future relationships.  I believe that this is what leads to the chaos of relationships we see in the world today.  Broken homes, divorce, heartache, etc.  All caused because you’ve left someone you are bonded to and bonded to another!  It ought NEVER be.  Sex is VERY serious. A permanent relationship is formed.  When done properly, it is incredibly beautiful.  You get to be so close with your spouse that you actually become one!

1 Corinthians 7:39 "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."

Here is one of the only times that bond is broken.  If a spouse dies, the remaining party is permitted to remarry.

2 Corinthians 6:14 "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

With that bonding in mind, this command becomes even more severe!  As Saints of God, distinct and separate from the lost world, we are to have nothing to do with the unfruitful works of darkness.  We are supposed to despise even the garments of those in sin! (Jude 1:23)  We are from a different Kingdom.  The Kingdom of light.  They are from the kingdom of dark.  We are sheep, they are goats.  We are wheat, they are tares.  We are children of God, they are children of satan.  We are aliens and strangers in this world, they are at home.  And so we are to remain holy (set apart) for the Lord.

To bond with that lost world is very grievous and dangerous.  We aren’t supposed to walk, stand, or sit with the wicked (Ps. 1), let alone marry them!  To marry a lost person is to create the greatest bond possible with the wicked world!  It is to become one flesh with the kingdom of satan!  What a tragedy!!  A man CANNOT marry a woman is not soundly born again.  It would be MOST destructive.

1st Corinthians 7:1 "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman.2 Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.5 Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.6 But I speak this by permission, [and] not of commandment.”

One of the reasons for marriage is to avoid fornication (sex).  Most of us do not have the gift of singleness and therefore suffer with strong attraction for the opposite sex.  God knows this and offers remedy.  Marriage.  As such, when entering into marriage, these verses need to be carefully examined.  Because we are not supposed to deprive each other of our sexual needs.  The wife is supposed to offer her body to her husband whenever he desires her and vice versa.  Her body is his and his is hers.  And we are commanded to not withhold from each other, except for agreed upon times of fasting and prayer.

"7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

To avoid lust, marriage is offered.

"10 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife."

Divorce is unacceptable.  Not permitted (Except for a few reasons outlined elsewhere in Scripture).

"12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?"

If you are already married to an unbeliever, and he/she is content being with a Christian, you must remain with them.  Perhaps they end up getting saved through you!  But if they decide to leave, this is one of the few times divorce is allowed, the Saint is not under obligation.  Of course you should fight for your marriage.  Seek reconciliation.  But if the lost party is determined to leave you, and you cannot stop it, you are free from bondage.

"32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please [his] wife. 34 There is difference [also] between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please [her] husband.35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction."

I think there is caution here.  A married man may end up consumed with his wife.  His thoughts and actions on a daily basis might become how to please her, rather than God.  We must be diligent to not let that happen.  A married man must make the Lord his priority.  I believe during the courting process, this needs to be discussed extensively.  Marriage must not stand in the way of the Lord.

"39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."

Here again we see that death frees from the bond of marriage and remarriage is permissible.  But we are again cautioned that we must marry “in the Lord.”  That is, we must not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

Matthew 19:3 "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

Here we see Jesus reiterating the one flesh bonding of marriage, and amplifying our understanding of it by saying this is an act of God!  The one flesh unity is something that is done by God, it is miraculous and supernatural.  Therefore, what He has done cannot be undone by man.  As such, divorce is not permitted.  Simply separating from your spouse and getting a government document of divorce, does NOTHING to separate the flesh that has been supernaturally unified.  It would take an act of God to undo that.  We are not permitted to separate from our spouses.  Except for one reason.  In verse 9 it says “except it be for fornication.”  There are numerous ideas on what Christ meant by this, I half-heartedly believe (not convinced) it is saying that if a spouse cheats, divorce is permitted.  But even then, it is hardness of heart causing that.  The Christian doctrine is one of forgiveness, mercy and reconciliation.  If the spouse is genuinely repentant and sorrowful, forgiveness and healing ought to be offered.  But if the spouse is not repentant and continues on in adultery, then I think that they are showing themselves as unbelievers.  And in that case, we resort back to the 1^st Corinthians 7:12 verses that allow freedom for a Saint whose unbelieving spouse departs.

Genesis 2:20 "And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.23 And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

This is the very beginning of marriage.  Some will say that marriages main function is procreation, or sex, or some other action.  But I think that it is explained here that the main purpose of marriage is help.  A man needs help, specifically in the things of the Lord.  A wife is to be there to spur on to good works, encourage in ministry, offer up prayers, give a hard word when necessary, etc.  That is marriages main function!  Help each other pursue the Lord with all your hearts, minds, souls, and strength!

Malachi 2:13 "And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth [it] with good will at your hand.14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one] covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously."

These verses here just help emphasize how treacherous divorce is.  It says that God HATES divorce!!  It is NOT something that should be done.  When you commit to your wife, it is a very serious and sober commitment.  Permanent.  You MUST stay with her through everything.  God has put you with her, you cannot turn your back on her.  EVER.